Friday 5 August 2011
Parents often ask me how I can get so many children bowing in perfect time, on time, every time, and clapping their hands and shouting in perfect martial spirit “Yes Sir!”. Just how do you do it they ask me. I think over the years, to be honest, I have given many different answers to this – but I’ve given this some more Thought lately.
It’s all about structure. Children need structure in their lives – they need routine and they like to know what’s going on. They like to know when it’s going to happen, what they can expect when it does happen and the response that is expected of them. So if we don’t let children know the answers to these questions, they will make up their own answers. They’re clever .. right? And they’ve got initiative .. right? They sure do and they will make it up as they go if we don’t give them the script to follow.
Simply speaking our Martial Arts classes for children are very structured and so there is no guessing game for the children in terms of knowing what behaviours are expected of them. So this is what we need to provide in their everyday lives.
“What? Have the kids bowing in and out of the house, and unpacking the dishwasher in horseriding stance, ” I hear you saying. No … here’s how it could work.
Start with making sure there are simple routines in your life with the children. Simple things like making sure, for example, there is a set time for bed at night, that everyone sits together at the breakfast or dinner table and not on the lounge eating and watching TV (sure Friday night footy is fine) – but I am taking about what is the norm in your place. Are there simple set jobs or tasks that the children are required to do – on time, every time? Or is it too hard to make these things happen so we just do it ourselves?
Got the idea? You can see how this fits in your family environment. And I can hear some of you saying “We do that” but I wonder if you could be the fly on the wall in your house – what would you see when it comes to the children having some set chores, routines that are kind of “not negotiables” that the children understand and accept are part of every day life? Try just one thing, as small as it may be .. and see. But remember … no nagging!
In my next parenting article I would like to reflect on some common habits I see in afternoon routines of children that don’t really help in getting structure in children’s lives, and how to overcome that “all too easy nagging” routine we can find ourselves in. Happy Parenting!
Master Damien O’Flaherty